Naked Snake

"But how does it taste?"

- Naked Snake, pretty much any time he's faced with something unknown and possibly edible

Played by Meowzy, here we have the rare specimen of young and relatively innocent Papa Snake. While his real name is John Doe, he's referred to as Jack by people especially close to him. His current code name is Naked Snake.

Early Years
Born circa 1935, Jack’s military career dated back to the 1950s, becoming The Boss's disciple in June 1950, and fighting in the Korean War. In 1954, Jack was involved in the Bikini Atoll test of the first airborne detonation of a hydrogen bomb. Unlike most of his friends present during the test, Jack did not develop symptoms of leukemia, thyroid cancer, or radiation poisoning, but was rendered sterile.

During Jack's time as The Boss's apprentice, he was taught extensively regarding combat, weaponry, survival, espionage, destruction, psychology and foreign languages (such as Russian), later developing CQC together. They went their separate ways on June 12, 1959.

In 1961, Jack carried out covert operations alongside Python during the early stages of the Vietnam War, before America officially participated. He later stated that Python was one of the few soldiers he could completely rely on in battle. The two also played poker together, leaving Python owing Snake money. The two were later involved in a mission together where Python was shot and presumed dead.

Prior to August 1964, Jack served in the Green Berets for several years. By late 1964, he had become experienced at sniping in urban and marine environments, and had eaten snakes during previous survival training exercises, feats which would prove useful in future missions. By this time, Jack had also been awarded various commendations, including the Army Achievement Ribbon, the Good Conduct Ribbon, Defense Distinguished Service Ribbon, Korean Service Ribbon, a ribbon that resembles the Vietnam Service Ribbon, and the Distinguished Service Cross Ribbon, along with several others.



A beautiful Snake out in the wild.

The Virtuous Mission
On August 24, 1964, Jack took part in the Virtuous Mission as a member of the CIA's FOX unit, in which he was to rescue defecting Soviet scientist Nikolai Stepanovich Sokolov. Operating under the codename 'Naked Snake', he infiltrated the Soviet region of Tselinoyarsk after undertaking the world's first High Altitude-Low Opening (HALO) jump. Evading KGB troops in the region, Snake successfully made contact with Sokolov and escorted him to safety, following a brief battle with Major Ocelot of GRU. However, the mission ended in failure with the surprise defection of The Boss, and Snake was injured during a confrontation with her. Sokolov was taken by The Boss's Cobra Unit as a gift for GRU colonel Yevgeny Borisovitch Volgin, who was also present on the scene at the time. Volgin not only seized Sokolov's project, the Shagohod, but also unleashed an American-made Davy Crockett nuclear weapon on Russian citizens, creating an international incident.



GODDAMMIT VOLGIN.

The catastrophe of the Virtuous Mission was so extreme that the CIA considered executing both Snake and his commanding officer, Major Zero. They were saved only by the need for Snake to be re-inserted a week later in Operation Snake Eater.

Operation Snake Eater
Following his rescue, Snake was placed in an advanced intensive care unit where he was interrogated by agents of the U.S. Government, regarding The Boss's defection. A week later, the government decided to pardon Snake of any involvement in the defection under the condition that he return to Tselinoyarsk, eliminate The Boss, and recover Sokolov. This mission was designated Operation Snake Eater. Despite not having completely recovered from his previous injuries, Snake was redeployed to Tselinoyarsk via a D-21 drone prototype. Initially scheduled to meet with ADAM, a KGB contact, Snake instead met EVA, who provided intel on Sokolov's whereabouts. It was during this mission that Snake came across the prototype designs for Metal Gear from Aleksandr Leonovitch Granin.

During his trek through Tselinoyarsk, Snake fought and defeated various members of The Boss's Cobra Unit, including The Pain, The Fear and The End. He has yet to fight The Fury. He also obsessively kept wearing the bandana he stole from The Boss, as if to make a statement.

CAHniverse
Jack/John/Whatever you want to call it made a majestic faceplant into CaHniverse by rolling down a flight of stairs in Tori's house. He was found by Iroquois Pliskin, Liquid Snake and Casper LeBlanc Jr, the last of which became intimidated by John's harmless, caged Kenyan Mangrove Crab. They explained the concept of other worlds to him. Under the assumption he'd either eaten some bad shrooms or was suffering from jungle fever, John decided to take everything that happened with a grain of salt. This notion was strengthened when he ran into Volgin in the kitchen, who promptly hightailed it at the sight of him.

Still, after a good night's sleep, he realized that somehow this had to be real. He confronted the two Snake brothers again, who were this time accompanied by yet another Snake. They dropped an even bigger bomb on him; apparently he was going to be cloned in the future, giving birth to David and Liquid. It was heavily implied this would be done against John's will, which really just made it five times worse. Things got steadily more awkward. John later attempted to confront Volgin about the Boss's defection and the Davy Crockett missiles, but the not-really-Colonel-anymore was as unhelpful as would be expected of him.

Then John found out that Volgin's dating his clone son and things got even more awkward. Not even a day later, he stupidly ate almost an entire pie that'd been made from scratch by Volgin himself and was intended for Tori Marie Nygma. What a great track record he's building for himself here.

Other noteworthy moments include:
 * Watching The Titanic on a newfangled modern day TV that had Jack really confused ("but how do you turn it on?") with the two Snake Bros and The Sorrow.
 * Finding an abandoned puppy in a box and bringing her home with him. The puppy was immediately tended to by David and Jack later named Lil Boss, in honor of The Boss. The irony related to Big Boss is totally lost on him right now.
 * Stopping David from committing suicide in Tori's kitchen. Thaaaat was awkward.
 * Eating yet another thing baked by Volgin and then getting scolded for making a face at the notion.
 * His cloneson getting married to Volgin.
 * Flirting with Ocelot by accident.
 * Flirting with Ocelot for real and accidentally breaking Tori's table while doing so.

Assorted Info

 * John speaks several foreign languages, including Russian, French and a bit of Spanish.
 * He has a very high tolerance to pain, which makes it difficult to torture him for information.
 * His stomach is pretty much a gaping hole and he'll eat just about anything.
 * Alas, he does not have a sense of smell, which may or may not be a result from Bikini Atoll.
 * He does not like James Bond-type movies, because he feels they don't realistically portray what undercover agents and spies do.
 * He only smokes cigars.
 * He drinks alcohol, but sparingly and certainly not during missions.
 * He believes in Santa Claus.
 * He's afraid of vampires to the point where they give him nightmares.
 * He likes to sleep in confined spaces.
 * Despite his wisecracky flirtatious remarks, he's really bad with handling actual physical affection. Part of this is because he has trouble trusting people and part of it is because he's a virgin who has no idea what he's doing.



Snake when faced with boobies.